ideasfandomcom-20200222-history
Rodent in a Halfshell/Script
Transcript *Dog is seen standing around bored, looking at something. *Glasses Duck: mortified This is so embarrassing! *camera pans to show Rodent Dog standing in front of a sign reading "Gerbil for a Day" and Lamb Wick dressed as a gerbil, running in a hamster wheel in a cage. Lamb Wick's laughs can be heard in the background. It then switches to a view of Lamb Wick running. He falls but almost immediately gets back up and continues running. *Rodent Dog: eager Huh? Whaddya figure Fat Dog, gerbil for a day? 25 cents for 60 seconds. And we'll throw in this free salt lick! Limited quantity, better move fast. *Fat Dog: to be excited Let's check it out! *Rodent Dog: Watch it, those sweaty hands might leave prints! *Fat Dog: No problem. puts the salt lick on the ground and rolls it onto Rodent Dog, who is pinned down by its weight. Ha ha ha! You dorks get lamer every day. walks off chuckling. *Glasses Duck: Fat Dog's right, Rodent Dog. the salt lick off of his friend This is quite possibly– from the effort –your most preposterous plan ever. falls over the salt lick, which rolls onto him. Aah! Ouch. *Rodent Dog: angry I don't see you coming up with anything, Da Vinci! *Lamb Wick: Cheep! Cheep! Cheep chin! Feed me! Duck and Rodent Dog stare at Lamb Wick in stunned silence. Lamb Wick stares back at them. *Glasses Duck: The probability of anyone falling for this lackluster stunt is zero to none, Rodent Dog. *Rodent Dog: Alright already! What a nag. *Hedgehog enters from the left, storms over to the cage, and rips off a section of it. She then walks over to Lamb Wick, who is eating gerbil food. *Hilary Hedgehog: LAMB WICK! *Lamb Wick: and scared What did I do? runs over to the hamster wheel and runs on it in an attempt to get away. It wasn't me, Hilary Hedgehog, honest! Hilary Hedgehog right next to him Cheep! Cheep! Cheep Cheep– Hedgehog pulls him off the wheel –aw. *Rodent Dog: the sound of Lamb Wick getting beaten up Quit roughing up my gerbil! I'm trying to run a business– Hedgehog throws Lamb Wick at him. –oof! *Hilary Hedgehog: I have a ballet lesson today and Tommy needs someone to play with! And Lamb Wick's Tommy's new playmate! *Tommy: shaken Can we talk? *Rodent Dog: Lamb Wick, who is clutching him Get off me, you stupid– throws Lamb Wick off and addresses Hilary Hedgehog. Take a hike, Hilary Hedgehog! You are not dumping the twerp on us! *Hedgehog grabs his lips and holds them closed, keeping him from speaking intelligibly; after a few seconds of mumbling from him, she throws him onto the ground. *Hilary Hedgehog: sweetly Oh, Lamb Wick? *Lamb Wick: in fear Uh, yes, oh obnoxious little sister of mine? *Hilary Hedgehog: up a model rocket See what I got? *Lamb Wick: upset THAT IS MY 1/32 SCALE ORBITAL PLANET RE-TRACKER NUMBER 2 MODEL ROCKET! *Hilary Hedgehog: threateningly Take care of Tommy or I'll pulverize your stupid model! *Lamb Wick: pleading Have mercy, depraved sibling! a slightly calmer tone I will take care of Tommy. Honest. *Hilary Hedgehog: Good. *Tommy: timidly Hilary Hedgehog, I beg of you, don't leave me in this den of lions. *Hilary Hedgehog: Don't worry, Tommy. If these nimrods give you any trouble, just– a whistle out of her pocket –blow this whistle. puts the whistle around Tommy's neck. *Tommy: Really? *Lamb Wick: Have a good day, rotten to the core cherished one. *soon as Hilary Hedgehog leaves, Tommy begins to sweat. The camera shows the Rodents looking at him. He then faints. *Rodent Dog: This kid's gonna cramp our style! Look at him! *Glasses Duck: Perhaps Tommy would like to play some games. *Tommy: waking up Games? *Glasses Duck: There we go! Games teach children confidence, and endorse socialization skills necessary for human interaction. *Rodent Dog: evilly I know a game we can play. ---- *Dog's hands are seen picking up a dodgeball. The other two Rodents and Tommy the Squirrel are standing by a garage door. Glasses Duck and Tommy are quaking with fear, whereas Lamb Wick looks perfectly normal. *Glasses Duck: RODENT DOG WAIT STOP! calmly Dodgeball has no educational value whatsoever?! *Rodent Dog: Whaddya talking about? It builds character. Puts hair on your chest. *Tommy: Hairy chests are so Neanderthal. *Lamb Wick: Dodgeball is fun, Tommy! Just keep your eye on the– hit by dodgeball –ball of pain. *Rodent Dog: victoriously Ha ha ha! You're out, monobrow! Who's next? shifts to Tommy Tommy? Or Glasses Duck? shifts to an empty space on the right side of the door Hey. Where'd Sockhead go? edges to the left, revealing Glasses Duck hidden behind him. Hello, Glasses Duck. *Glasses Duck desperately: RODENT DOG WAIT! I-I HAVE A HISTORY WITH THIS GAME I–whassat. I see flashes, Rodent Dog. Deep rooted images. Dog begins drawing something on the ball LIKE TENTACLES! Strangulating every rational nerve! OH, I'M RELIVING IT, RODENT DOG!! *Rodent Dog: up the ball But it's got your face on it, Glasses Duck. turns the ball around to reveal a caricature of Glasses Duck drawn on it. *Glasses Duck: terrified LISTEN TO ME, RODENT DOG! RODENT DOG?! *Dog goes into his throwing stance. *Glasses Duck: howling IT'S GYM CLASS ALL OVER AGAIN!! breaks down completely. As he continues his crying jag, Tommy begins to wail in tandem with him. Lamb Wick sees Tommy clutching him and crying and he begins to scream as well. *Rodent Dog: disgusted Uuh. ---- *Duck falls to the ground, a quivering mess. Rodent Dog approaches him. *Rodent Dog: Get over it, Shakespeare. *Tommy: I'm bored. I wanna turn. *Rodent Dog: No way, it's still my turn. *Tommy: for his whistle I'm telling Hilary Hedgehog! *Lamb Wick: desperately Wait, Tommy! scared Hilary Hedgehog is bad for Lamb Wick. on top of Rodent Dog Don't hog the ball, Rodent Dog. Let Tommy have a turn. *Tommy: Goodie! *Wick rubs Tommy back and forth on top of his buzz cut. He then takes Rodent Dog over to the garage door. Rodent Dog is stuck to it. *Rodent Dog: irked What the– *Glasses Duck: Static electricity can be quite humbling, can't it, Rodent Dog? Lamb Wick Oh, Lamb Wick, that's much too far for Tommy. A little closer, if you will? *Lamb Wick: Okey-dokey, Glasses Duck. walking Tommy closer to Rodent Dog Here we go, Tommy. Your turn to hurt Rodent. *Rodent Dog: to be scared Oh, this guy's gonna murder me! Somebody please save me! mockingly Yeah, right! *throws the ball at his face so hard it knocks most of his body through the garage door. *Tommy: Got him! giggles *Lamb Wick: Good shot, Tommy! Tommy up and carries him on his shoulders *Tommy: I'm the toast of the town! *Glasses Duck: Aw, look at them, Rodent Dog! *Rodent Dog: disgruntled It's pathetic. *Wick is seen running with Tommy still on his shoulders. He trips over a rock. When he gets up, Tommy's retainer is around both of their faces. *Tommy: Hey, mister! share a laugh *Glasses Duck: to pull Rodent Dog out of the door Tommy and Lamb Wick seem straining to have developed a brotherly bond. Rodent Dog out of the door onto him *and Lamb Wick are rubbing their heads against a tree trunk. *Tommy and Lamb Wick: Rub your head, rub your head. Rub your head. *Glasses Duck: Interesting. *Rodent Dog: Why's Tommy acting like Lamb Wick? *Glasses Duck: Well Rodent Dog, like brothers, the younger more naive sibling tends to mimic and learn from the older brother. A mirror image in some cases. *Rodent Dog: quizzical A mirror image? an idea dawns One exactly like the other? Like two peas in a pod? Two humps on a camel? A dynamic duo? A pair of underwear? *Glasses Duck: A pair of underwear is one item, Rodent Dog. *Rodent Dog: Same thing. a declaration I, Rodent Dog, will take Tommy, and teach him to be the best prime cut of meat there is. Just like me. ---- *montage is shown. First, Rodent Dog throws eggs at a picture of Hilary Hedgehog taped to a wall and instructs Tommy to do the same. When he refuses, Rodent Dog stuffs the egg in his underwear. The camera cuts to a grassy field. Rodent Dog tells Tommy to move an obscenely large rock to an X marked on the ground. Tommy attempts to move it himself and is completely unsuccessful. Tommy is then seen leading him to another location while wedgied. The next thing we see is Tommy in the field, trying to move the rock. After a couple of unsuccessful attempts, he stops and thinks it over. He then brings Lamb Wick over to move the rock. The garage again. This time, Tommy throws the eggs at Lamb Wick and Glasses Duck. Rodent Dog bursts into laughter, stopped only when Tommy pulls the "You've got something on your shirt" trick on him. ---- *is sitting on a tree stump while Rodent Dog walks in circles around him. *Rodent Dog: Enough beating around the bush. I think you're ready for the final lesson. Let's talk cash. *Glasses Duck: Lamb Wick, discreetly Theatrics do not forge good learning skills. *Rodent Dog: Hey, do you mind, Mr. 'I Know Everything About Nothing'? *Lamb Wick: Glasses Duck Shush! *Rodent Dog: Where was I? ponders Oh yeah! Cash! Always remember, if you have a lot of cash, you get to spend a lot of time, with me. *Tommy: questioningly But how do I get more cash, Uncle Rodent Dog? *Rodent Dog: proudly You're such a nosy little tyke. Come with Uncle Rodent Dog. Tommy up and carries him away *Glasses Duck: alarmed Hurry, Lamb Wick! *Lamb Wick: Shush! My yeast is rising. *Duck, unsure what to do, stares at Lamb Wick for a few moments. *Glasses Duck: Nut loaf, Lamb Wick? hurries away ---- *Dog is seen running with Tommy. He stops in the lane and drops Tommy on the ground *Rodent Dog: See the kids, Tommy? *Tommy: in the other direction No, Uncle Rodent Dog. *Rodent Dog: Tommy's head around They're called pigeons, and pigeons have lots of cash. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? starts to run forward into the lane, but falls on his face. *Tommy: dazed Pennies from heaven, Uncle Rodent Dog. *Rodent Dog: up They grow up so fast. *Glasses Duck: appearing, and apparently very belligerent Rodent Dog! Shame on you! You set Tommy- *Lamb Wick: Shush! *Glasses Duck: You set Tommy's expectations too high! He's bound to fail! *Rodent Dog: Okay, maybe I was a little tough. But that's how my brother taught me! The only way to get it right is to get it wrong. *sudden noise distracts them. ---- *Dog is seen bouncing on a trampoline *Fat Dog: Whoa, look out! *Butter Horse: admiringly Kevin is good at weinering. *Fat Dog: That's hot-dogging, Butter Horse. timer rings *Tommy: Time's up, Fat Dog. *Fat Dog: That couldn't have been more than 60 seconds. *Tommy: Take it to the back of the line, bub. up jar of quarters Alright, people, cough up the dough. *Rodent Dog: astounded How come we didn't think of that? *Glasses Duck: Seems the student has surpassed the master. *Lamb Wick: But better! ---- *Tommy: You got 60 seconds, Butter Horse boy. Horse drops a quarter in the jar *Butter Horse: Has anyone ever told you your hair resembles the backside of a chicken? *Rodent Dog: drooling You're a chip off the old block, Junior. *Glasses Duck: Well done, Tommy! Tell me about the design. *Tommy: The bouncy mat was torn up-bedsheets sewn together with the synthetic hair of broken dollies. *Glasses Duck: I never would have thought of that. *Tommy: condescendingly Of course you wouldn't. *Glasses Duck: insulted Well. *Rodent Dog: C'mere for a second, Junior. ---- *Dog is leading Tommy away. *Rodent Dog: Time to give credit where credit is due. Nothing big, sixty percent'll do. *Tommy: irked What are you giving me? *Rodent Dog: My cut of the cash. hand on the rim of the jar and tries to pull it away *Tommy: it back Hit the road. *Rodent Dog: angry You thankless little–If it wasn't for me, you'd be planting posies! *Tommy: Tell it to the judge! *Rodent Dog: surprised Oh, he's good. after Tommy Give me that thing, you little turncoat! money jar away Ha! money Hello, my little babies! Did you miss me? *Tommy: on Rodent Dog It's mine! *Rodent Dog: by Tommy's ferocity Tommy's lost it! Help me! He's a wild animal! *Lamb Wick: FOUL! OFFSIDE! PENALTY! *Glasses Duck: You sound like a referee, Lamb Wick? *Lamb Wick: out a whistle Yes I am. *Glasses Duck: what Lamb Wick is about to do LAMB WICK! DON'T BLOW THAT! *Wick puts whistle in mouth and blows. ---- *and Tommy freeze in the middle of fighting. Glasses Duck's teeth can be heard chattering. Then, the camera shifts to show trees toppling, getting closer in proximity to the lane. After the nearest one falls, Hilary Hedgehog is seen kicking open a portion of the fence. *Hilary Hedgehog: screaming TOMMY!!! *Tommy: smugly Bingo. digs up some dirt and throws it onto his face. *Hilary Hedgehog: Rodent Dog. What's Tommy doing on the ground, huh? is seen crying *Rodent Dog: Get lost, Sarah, we're talking business. *Tommy: crying He was horror horrible monster, Hilary Hedgehog. They made me eat dirt all day! *Hilary Hedgehog: What?! teeth in anger. Tommy can be seen thumbing his nose at the Rodents while Hilary Hedgehog is facing away from him. *Rodent Dog: an undertone, amazed Man, he's real good. normally Who are you gonna believe? That little- um- er- rat, or an honest bunch like us? *Hedgehog squeals in anger and proceeds to beat the pulp out of the Rodents. Tommy is seen giggling at the scene. Hilary Hedgehog dusts her hands and Tommy walks up to the Rodents. ---- *Tommy: self-satisfied My jar please, Uncle Rodent Dog. jar from Rodent Dog's mouth and realizes the money is gone Hey! Rodent Dog's nose. His mouth opens like a cash register, revealing a pile of quarters. Tommy takes the money and shoves his jaw back in. *Tommy: Burger, Hilary Hedgehog? My treat. run off, presumably to the oscar burger. ---- *Glasses Duck: Boy, Rodent Dog, you truly a created by horror horrible monster. *Rodent Dog: No kidding. Kinda makes me feel all warm inside. *Lamb Wick: mumbling Urp a la loo. *Glasses Duck: lower half sticking out of Lamb Wick's mouth Don't talk with your mouth full, Lamb Wick. Category:Episodes Category:Episode Transcripts Category:Transcripts Category:Transcript Category:Transcripts not yet complete Category:Transcripts complete Category:Transcripts almost complete